The tiring virus.

It's been a hard few days. I don't take physical illness very well, I am very hard on myself (and maybe the inner circle too) and there were lots of crying jags for 'no reason.' I admit to feeling suicidal for moments, moments that I quickly try to push away and try to get over, but I did have to promise my safety to a good friend. Thank God for friends.

This virus has hung on for a week now and is tiring. I am Much better than I was. The doctor told me to take Mucinex. I tried cough syrup but that made me feel loopy and anxious and the doctor (his wonderful nurse) said that was messing with my blood pressure and don't take that stuff anymore.

I went to Crisis Training yesterday and wouldn't you know it, it was on Suicide Prevention. Wow, I know we deal with tough stuff at the Center. I actually cried, because I feel that way. (How can I help others if I'm dealing with it myself?)

I tried to get out of there as quickly as possible but my friend caught up with me and I didn't want to look at her because she is so kind I knew I couldn't hold back. But she got me out of the car and wanted me to walk with her and I spilled what was bothering me. Everything is more amplified when I am sick, the fears, the problems seem unsurmountable when your energy is sapped and you just can't fight anymore. Sometimes I try so hard but there are time when you (I) must truly crawl into bed and rest and leave it for another day.

On an entirely different note, I have lost a total of 24 pounds. I haven't been very hungry or maybe my stomach is shrinking because I don't care about food, just enough to feed myself, which is actually a very enjoyable side-effect from all this. I admit I like feeling more in control, not a ravenous beast that must 'feed' like I swear some of the psychotropic medicines make you feel.

So far, still in reality which is a great blessing. Thinking about going back to bed for a little while.

I truly wish all well in the blogosphere. Thank you to all the well-wishers and new additions to readers of the blog. You have heartened the 'Tart with your love. Thank you.

Out sick.

I am not feeling well physically. I have an eye problem which I got drops for and my throat was afire this morning which chloroseptic helped. I have been taking it easy, but I guess I need to sleep today, which I will try to do.

I am really saddened by the Michael Jackson thing, as well as Farrah Fawcett deaths and I may elaborate further on future posts.

I hope all are well and I wish blessings in the blog world. I'll be back to post when I have more energy.

My husband is taking care of me, bless him. I'm sorry I haven't visited blogs in a while, I have been busy, before I got sick. I can tell you about that later. God bless, and have a good weekend.
Sincerely,
Tart

No Seroquel slump. (so far)

Aww sweet Kitty-kitty!

You may have seen this picture in an email (that is where I snagged it from). I just want to iterate that this is NOT me on Seroquel as could have been expected. I am having an amazingly okay time of it with a med change. I think it's because I am following Dr.'s order and weaning the Abilify as directed and starting with a low dose of the ol' Seroquel-aro. Getting those nasty neurons in a better place? Let's hope so.

Sometimes waking up in the morning is the hardest thing to do. But when the dogs start whining and you've got a little one that has to GO, and you are the one to take care of them that day, there's not much choice.

Okay, perhaps it helped that I had some caffeine this morning (in my Crystal Lite peach mango antioxidant tea stuff) and now I am definitely awake, buuuut I am plotting my day now!:)

Have a great Sunday!:)

Made the Hot & Sour soup!:)

and it was delicious!!

I was a little jangled while cooking today because we had a reporter come by and do a story on the baking thing. It was from the same local newspaper that I used to work for, and even a reporter whose name was familiar. He was congenial enough though, although I hesitate to think or am a little afraid of what he will write as I probably spilled too much beans about myself. But I know the editor and chief very well (I still have that person's email address!) so I guess I could complain if it came to that.

Anyway, the soup was yummy with lots of tofu, mushrooms, bamboo shoots, chicken broth, soy sauce, vinegar, sesame oil, cornstarch, water, and a little egg white in the end. I love that soup so much I'll buy it as a comfort food in the largest container possible from the local Chinese restaurant. The last time I did that and picked it up myself it was $4.20!! Highway robbery! Now I know how to make it myself and I am sooo happy!

Tuesday.

I forget where I got these photos. The first probably from an email. The second I don't remember at all, so forgive me if I took a picture from someone's site.

Thanks to the jerk that made me paranoid about always putting where I got things from.

Busy Monday.

Today I spent the day with a friend, had lunch, did errands with her and a little shopping. It was fun.

I am going to be working at the Drop-in Center soon. I will be a Facilitator (with other people that are also Facilitators). That's a person that keeps an eye on everybody and makes sure no major rules are broken and basically hangs out with the clients and cleans twice a day and does whatever else needs doing. I start a training program on Wednesday for 4 Wednesdays and then begin the job at the end of July after my vacation. This is an actual job, I will be on payroll and no longer a volunteer!!

I will still do the baking thing until that is over for me. That's supposed to be a six-month program.

I am planning my vacation and very excited about it. I will be going to see my Mom and we are going fishing and to the beach. It will only be for a couple of days but I am sooo looking forward to it.

Tart sheds Abilify, goes through med change.

I went to the p-doc on Thursday and just like that, I am no longer on Abilify. Instead, Seroquel in much smaller doses than I used to take it will replace it.

In the process of getting rid of the Abilify, I must take it every other day to wean myself off of it. So I am in the process of doing that.

So far my mood has been stable and I am remaining positive. Hopefully I will shed the shake (my left-hand shaking and jaw shaking), stop the weird involuntary shifting and moving of my legs and Stop the Anxiety.

I didn't think I got anxiety so much until I started taking the Abilify. I did not realize what a debilitating thing anxiety can be until I experienced it. It makes the world a different place for the anxiety experiencer. Everything is a threat, the stress level is high, everything worries me, and I always feel that stress in my lower back. That's me though.

I hope to soon not need the sorting labels at the bottom that say Abilify anxiety.

My left hand feels like it is turning into a claw, it tightens up so much and I'm left-handed. Anyway...

I got out my guitar today. I use the beautiful Yamaha I got in high school for getting better than a B in Trigonometry in summer school sooo many years ago (plus I was just out of the hospital and still somehow managed to do well. My mom made me this deal with the guitar and I love my steel string Yamaha).

I got an Esteban guitar for myself for Christmas a couple of years ago and the guitar itself is crap because the strings go out of tune so easily. I don't know if this is because it is strung for classical and the strings are nylon and simply cannot hold tuning. I hope that I could get it re-strung and it would make it better.

The Esteban also has an amp that I honestly haven't played much with as I am just trying to learn the guitar and the Esteban is not like a 'real electric guitar' like a Fender or a Gibson, which someday I would like to have. Heck, I would like to have lessons, too.

In lieu of lessons though, I have the next best thing, which is the Esteban DVD's. This may have been the best thing about buying the Esteban guitar because the DVD's teach with Mr. Esteban himself the guitar lessons. I am still learning arpeggios and simple stuff and I do it on my steel string guitar and it is very fun.:)